As part of my freelancing, I have helped people applying to colleges write compelling entrance essays for different universities. The specific steps I take with each person are different based on how much writing experience they have, what they’ve written already, etc.
One applicant I helped recently was an engineering student who had little experience writing and didn’t understand how to express his accomplishments or passion for what he studied. When he came to me for help, all he had was one paragraph that he had been fiddling with for a couple of weeks.
Using the prompts given to us by the universities, I engaged him conversationally about why he cared about his field of study. By framing our discussion as a conversation rather than a writing task, he found it easier to articulate the origins of his passion and his aspirations. Once he understood the story that he wanted to tell, I gave him ideas about how to lay it out on the page and to structure the rest of the essay by showing how the courses he took and the jobs he worked at led him further down the path toward his passions that he discovered when he was young.
After he laid out the facts of his life in this way, I was able to shape the unmolded clay into what you see below.
(Note: Personal and identifying information has been redacted with things like “X University,” “Y,” and “Cool Company.”)
I have always been driven to understand the underlying mechanisms behind the systems that govern our world. This passion has led me to deeply enjoy applying science through the lens of engineering to solve real-world problems. One such problem that fascinates me is resource management. Given the Earth’s limited resources and its capacity to sustain human life, space exploration is increasingly becoming a necessity. While current rocket designs have made significant advancements in efficiency, I believe further optimization of payload, thermal durability, and escape velocity is hindered by outdated materials. Therefore, I aim to innovate new materials that incorporate heat resistance and lower weight while remaining cost-effective. Pursuing a master’s degree from X University will provide me with the necessary knowledge and research opportunities to achieve these goals.
My fascination with materials began during my childhood when I noticed the stark price difference between metallic and non-metallic baseball bats. While cheaper bats were made of heavy, simple aluminum, the higher-quality bats such as ExoGrid, Stealth, and Voodoo utilized lighter composite materials. I was intrigued by how the engineering of these materials could enhance the bats’ performance, ultimately affecting the distance the ball could be hit. This curiosity propelled me toward a deeper interest in science and later motivated me to pursue a degree in mechanical engineering.
During my time at X College, I furthered my passion for tutoring by working as a chemistry tutor. This experience allowed me to lead lectures, design worksheets, and provide hands-on assistance to students. Additionally, it provided me with a solid foundation in chemistry, which proved invaluable in my later studies and research endeavors.
At Y, I expanded my understanding of materials science by taking elective courses in metamaterials and bioengineering. These courses emphasized the importance of research and introduced me to dynamics and system modeling, which are directly influenced by materials properties. My senior design project on electroactive polymers further solidified my passion for materials science. Working alongside my project partner, we designed an ultralight, ultra-thin, flexible keyboard utilizing piezoelectric materials with haptic feedback. This project taught me invaluable lessons in teamwork, communication, and research methodology.
In between community college and Y, I gained practical experience as a quality inspector at Cool Company. Here, I focused on the inspection process of various parts and assemblies, gaining insight into part assembly/manufacturing and the importance of allowable tolerancing in engineering environments. This experience reinforced my passion for research in materials science.
Subsequently, I interned at Cooler Company, where I focused on data analysis for continuous improvement. Through this role, I developed proficiency in Excel Power Query, Power BI visuals, and applied statistical sampling methodologies to reduce scrap rates. This experience allowed me to work with challenging materials such as superalloys, further enhancing my skills and passion for materials science.
Currently, I am employed at Coolest Company, where I started in the manufacturing department and quickly advanced to develop a new quality team. Leading this team has strengthened my skills in communication, organization, and creativity, while also reaffirming my desire to pursue further education in materials science.
I believe that a graduate materials science program is the ideal path for achieving my goals of understanding and applying science to solve real-world challenges. With my strong work ethic, technical skills, drive, and attention to detail, I am confident in my ability to succeed in this field. I hope for your consideration for admission to next year’s entering class.